Peace , Pain and Bliss.....

What a powerful piece of sculpture. The serenity of the expression is an incredible artistic achievement rendered in stone.

I was watching a documentary about the life of Buddha the other night. I have been preoccupied with transience, endings and letting go throughout much of my life. I have been saying "in this very moment, right now " several times on my posts on Facebook.

So, it came as some surprise to me that Buddha was preoccupied with life's pain, change and ultimately death. Nirvana lies in this very fleeting moment, " in this very moment, right now",  not in anything permanent. It is in the acceptance of that, that ones mind is free. We are constantly changing never quite the same from one moment to the next. The 'self' comes and goes. It is not fixed. We are joy, sadness, hope, despair, hate and love, life and ultimately death. We are all these things. Compassion is derived from understanding transience, flow, as everything flows together and is therefore connected. 

Since all human life, all of life in fact, experiences pain that is where we connect as one. In that connection resides our bliss too. Yet, culturally we avoid pain and do not embrace it. We are all one in that paradigm. If our bliss is in the transitory then we cannot embrace bliss because we run from the transitory. We avoid and fear change, it is painful. But, all life is connected to it. Therefore, we are closed to life's bliss. It is not about Disney's idea of bliss or Hollywood's which is a 'utopia' where no one ages.

We are like water Buddha said.Water in a glass, a river, a lake, the sea , in mist, in the clouds as rain, in a river, in a glass. Constantly transforming, but always the same. Perhaps, that is why I love the sea. It is a portrait of us.

If Nirvana is in the quality of this moment then pay attention to this moment is the advise.What is in it ?.What do you truthfully think or feel?. Can you speak it no matter what people think?. It is your truth after all not mine. So why hide?. Fear?.Of what?.


I was drawn to these themes at eighteen years old, not by Buddhism, but by the German novelist  Herman Hesse who explored these ideas particularly in his novel 'Narcissus and Goldmund'. He writes:
 " ..whereas we are transitory, we are becoming, we are potential; there is no perfection for us, no complete being. But, wherever we go, from potential in deed, from possibility to realization we participate in true being, become by a degree more similar to the perfect Divine".  


"Be your own light", people say that often, but what exactly does it mean?. I think you have to be true to your self to do that and not worry about fitting in to some group identity. That might help.


If death and life are inseparable, that our life is fragile and subject to change then , according to Buddha, we need to smile at the uncertain in life and come to terms with this reality, or we are in trouble. 


I think I left England  in search of answers to these questions Herman Hesse's novel posed. I did not really know it would be a spiritual journey until the recent news from home regarding the health of my father. This news brought me full circle to the idea of life's transcience, death and its beauty. 

Buddhism I discovered is not about being fabulous it is about being ordinary. It reminds me to be humble. It reminds me not to want to be anything but my ordinary self . To do that without the props of material wealth to bolster some sense of an egoic self. This stuff does not matter and I have always walked away from it. But, I accept that is how many perceive others value to them and of  themselves.


I write about change on this blog in many of it's guises. I guess this quiet weekend, being alone, has really been a spiritual retreat. What took me by surprise, while watching the documentary, was that Buddha's preoccupation has in fact always been mine. Change is painful, we age,we die . We fear it, but that makes life painful. So, let go, love change and endings instead. Perhaps, am steering a new course toward Buddhism without knowing it?. Am open, life is about change and letting go after all.


Peace....and that might change too..:)




Painting by Gerhard Richter- German Artist