The Brief Encounter... on the topic of love....

Today is an odd day.That introspective malaise that falls on us at random moments should be embraced.The blues that follow are transitory, but it affords time to reflect and take stock of one's life

So, after two cups of coffee this morning I looked back at my twenty first birthday celebration. I remember that I did not want a big party. The notion of being drunk equating to having a good night never happened to me. I still don't relate to that concept. I thought being conscious of what was making me happy infinitely preferable to oblivion.

I did not want actual presents. But, I did want to wander around Italy alone. Experience was the gift I desired, not a thing. A life memory. That also never changed. My parents were very generous and gave me that gift. A month in April, in Italy, was mine.

I went to Italy and stayed with a friends from Oxfords grandmother in Montepulciano, near Sienna in Southern Italy. Her name was Nieves Matthews. She lived in a stone farmhouse, with wooden doors and shutters. It was set in the heart of a valley. A dry stream ran through it with a bridge over it.

On the morning of my birthday I got on the train to go Assisi. I wanted to visit the Basilica of San Francesco D'Asissi. It is perched on top of a mountain over looking the medieval village that surrounds it. It was built between 1228-1257. I wanted to see Giotto's fresco cycle. I fell in love with his depiction of 'St.Francis feeding the Birds'. The delicate texture of the paint treatment was sensitive and poetic in reality. This image like a person should be experienced in real life. It was created with much love and I felt that on leaving the Basilica that afternoon.

I bought an ice cream and looked out across the valley below and toward the hill side towns opposite. I sent out this wish to life: that I would one day work creatively in Italy and live in New York. I let go of how that would happen, but that it would. Twelve years later I would be on the opposite side of this valley looking back at Assisi standing on the battlements of an old fortress with a cup of coffee, it was morning and I met that wish I made at twenty one. I was indeed living in New York and had just finished work of my first pret a porter collection. That gift would come later. There was another that Nieves gave me on my birthday that remains today.

That evening Nieves took me to the old Pizzeria in the village. We had red wine and talked about life. She had a tan wizened face, steal gray hair tied in a bun. An intellectual woman with razor sharp eyes that pierced you. She looked at me and suggested that in the morning we go for walk before I left for Rome that afternoon.

It was a sunny late morning and the sky was a deep blue. Big white clouds meandered by. We stood on that bridge looking down on the stream that did not exist. Nieves turned to face me, she had a red tapestry shawl around her shoulders, loose strands of gray hair blowing in the breeze.The sun was high above us.

"It is your birthday. This is my gift you Julius. In life you will learn what real love is.You must open your heart to it. And you must let it go. Look at this bridge, the land, the mountains surrounding us, the big sky above , open your heart to it all. Embrace it all and bring it back to your heart within. Then let it go. To let go of someone, so they can be free to be who they are meant to be in life, on the path of their choosing, is a great lesson and a great gift. To let go in forgiveness, if hurt, is important. If that which you let go of returns of its own volition, it is meant to be yours. If not set it free with peace and love. That is real love."

This would prove to be hard lesson that would bear fruit later in life, only now do I fully understand what Nieves meant. I am single. There is no one who is in love with me. There is love around me and within me. I love. We are human. These are gifts that remain and am thankful to my parents for giving me the opportunity that allowed these gifts to manifest themselves during that month many years ago.

Peace